The Pannonia Chronicles

The Pannonia Chronicles

One of the more unusual experiences of my life has been this: I was the dictator of my own country! Here is the full story:

Back-story

Here is an overview of my family’s countryside house. On the right, between our residential house and the way that led from the road to the landlord’s bee house, that small stripe was my friend Christoph’s and my most favourite playground. We called it “the forest”.

scheme

However, we grew up and the space between those bushes grew smaller. Therefore, we conquered a new “playground” in Autumn 1993. It was an area of ~200m² between our garden, the paddock and the apple tree meadow on which trees and bushes were growing. In the beginning we had to fight our way through stinging-nettles and branches. Before, the area was a bawn for chicken and ducks, the only man-made structure was an old chicken barn, about 80 cm high. Here is a map of the area as we found it (tree positions only approximately).

Pannonia-scheme1

The copse was surrounded by a fence, we installed a wire fence on the Northern end (in those schemes the right side) to mark “our” area. The old chicken house was used as a “desk”. In August 1994 we had an idea: In our “forest” we should build a real hut. After making drawings and plans, we asked our parents for material and built it. First we made a frame from wooden posts and sticks, and then covered it with silage film that the farmers in our neighbourhood use for covering the silage (animal food). We were so proud of our building that we celebrated its roofing ceremony and invited our families for a BBQ party. The hut was 3 meters long, 1,50 meters wide and 2 meters tall. I was playing (no, working!) in the “forest” nearly every day. Here I was king! I borrowed all kinds of tools from my father and built things, a table, a shelf and other things as interior for the hut. And sometimes I just sat there and thought about my life and that the world would be better if everyone was like me and not like all the idiots around me… In October 1994 we created a garden, fertilized it with horse dung and planted strawberries. In December we constructed an oven inside the hut to keep it warm. The first attempts were very terrible, the hut was full of smoke and the oven often broke. Then we masoned it with cement. We made a fire nearly every evening! We decided to have a cash box and paid “taxes”: 1 DM (~0,5 Euro) every 2 weeks. In the meantime we got a lot of material from our parents, like pots, a fuel lamp, and some tools. When we measured the area we found this data: Width: 6,80m, length (Paddock side): 9,80m, length (middle): 10,50m, length (meadow side): 16,50m. We counted 28 trees, 21 bushes and 13 small shrubs. At the end of 1994 the area looked like this:

Pannonia-scheme2

I often made candles by myself from wax remains (my mother often used candles in the house and gave me the remains when they were too short). In February, we added a part to the hut as a storage space for some new stuff that we got (a barrel, several cans, a ladder). The oven still broke very often. Especially the stovepipe was very unstable.

Rise and Fall of Pannonia

One day in March, on the bus back from school to Hoetmar, Christoph and I talked about our “forest” (as usual). Then I had an idea: Obviously it is “our” ground, so why not making it independent from Germany and form our own country? We needed a name for it. I remembered a class trip to the “Panorama Park” in spring 1994, an amusement park 100km south of Hoetmar in which the mascot sang a song that goes like “I am the Pano from Panorama Park“. This name “Pano” sounds so stupid that we often made jokes with it. I remembered this name and suggested “Pannonia” (written with double-n instead of only one) as our country’s name and we are the “Pannos”. Christoph agreed, so we founded Pannonia on March 9th 1995. This day became the “national holiday”. As an independent country we needed a flag of course! I designed this one (with MSPaint of Windows 95 on our very first PC):

Pannonia

We also made passports for ourselves. We were now Pannos and chose new names: I was Detlef Panno and Christoph was Otto Panno.

We added a second entrance gate on the left side. The oven got a new bigger pipe, and a secret underground storage box was constructed (to hide important things from my sister who sometimes came and stole our things). To protect our country we attached barbwire around it. The inside of the hut was a little too dark, so we added a window. I enjoyed such construction work very much! And the more we made, the more skilled we became. The first constructions all broke, but later we built really cool things! Of course I told my classmates about my country. Some friends from another village (Everswinkel) also founded a country then, “Joppe”. It was self-understanding that we were arch-enemies! Christoph and me elaborated some military strategies, constructed weapons and practiced on the meadow (sword fighting with sticks, shooting with a “pea shooter”, a tube with the finger of a rubber glove). We planted carrots, peas and beans in the garden, also the strawberries grew well. When we repaired the oven once again we added a metal plate on it. Now we were able to cook! Sometimes we made Ravioli (canned ready-made noodles). In June 1995 we added another part to the hut. We still constructed with the same style: a frame made of wood covered with big pieces of silage film. In the beginning we used white film because we got that from Christoph’s parents. Later we got more robust black one from another neighbour.

In August 1995 we affiliated a new “inhabitant”: a boy from my class called Steffen (Erwin Panno). In October, a 4th Panno was accepted: Stefan joined us (Herbert Panno). We had our first official big assembly on October 19th and 20th. First, we tried to organise our politics. With only 4 citizen, we decided that we wouldn’t need a parliament or government, but that we elect a dictator for one year. We called that “democratic dictatorship”. I was elected as the first dictator of Pannonia, probably because I was the one who spent most time there, because it was at my home. However, in order to keep our society balanced, I appointed Christoph as our agriculture minister (who had to take care of the garden), and Steffen as our minister of defence (but we called it “war minister”, planning defence strategies, but also “foreign affairs”). We also reformed our tax system (more money!) and decided to write a constitution. Then, the pleasurable part of the meeting started: We bought Ravioli, snacks and coke and slept in the hut. Actually, we also bought some beer, but we had to keep it secret, because we were just 14 (Christoph even only 12) and definitely not allowed to drink alcohol. That was the first time in my life that I drank beer. I liked sweet drinks (like coke) more, but it was cool to drink like the adults do. We talked all night about girls in our class, which of them we liked most, what part of a girl’s body is most sexy, and all these things that teenage boys think about. At midnight we had a night walk for 2 hours and frightened the neighbours’ dogs. Of course we were very smelly and dirty the next morning, but that was part of the game.

In November, we constructed a second hut. It was only 1 meter high, but we wanted to dig a hole inside of it. We had agriculture (our garden), military and thought we also need industry: mining. One side of the hut was left open, so we could dig and throw the soil outside. Now I was digging nearly every day. After 2 days the hole was 60cm deep. At the end of the year the hole had a size of 1,50m x 1,80m and was more than 1 meter deep. It was often filled with water that came from the ground or from rain.

In the diary that I wrote about Pannonia I found a mysterious entry from December 12th: Julia and Sarah (Christoph’s sister) occupied Pannonia. On December 16th the occupation was put down successfully. I just ask myself why it took 4 days (in the future, Historians will have to do some research into this matter!)… Since then, the two girls had their own space on the right side of the copse and – of course – were our No.1 enemies! In the meantime our arch enemies (formerly known as “Joppe”) were renamed “Sestania” (made from the first two letters of each of their names, Sebastian, Stefan and André). Actually, in school we were all friends, but for boys like us it was more fun to have “enemies” and to be “at war”.

Here is a picture of Pannonia at the end of 1995:

Pannonia-scheme3

During 1996, Pannonia saw major architectural advancements. In March, the old chicken barn was replaced by a two-storey tower, at that time our by far most sophisticated construction! The sand that we dug out of that hole was used to form a low levee around a wooden frame, a kind of bunker that had space for one person. Later it was fortified by an iron fence and a roof. The whole thing was connected to the hut above the hole which later turned into a tower, too. In May, we conquered “Lower Pannonia”, the North side of our country, by building an outpost: a hexagonal pavilion (classical Pannonia style: wood and silage film) with an elevated part in the middle of the roof. We made campfires inside this hut. The smoke could escape through the hole in the roof. One night we didn’t extinguish the fire properly, and the next morning I found wide parts of the film molten and burned. We were lucky that this didn’t turn into a serious bush fire! Here is one of the few real photos of Pannonia, taken in April 1996, when the bushes still had no leaves. Our silage film constructions looked pretty ugly – my Mom often complained about that, actually – but during summer it was almost invisible in the dense copse, covered by leaves.

1996-04 - Pannonia

Not only the architecture, also our political ideas advanced. As announced earlier, I tried to write our constitution. Of course, I had no idea about what a constitution should look like, so I took the German constitutional law and “translated” that into terms that meet our purposes. Most remarkably, the first sentence in the German constitution – “Human dignity is untouchable.” – didn’t make much sense to me. Dignity – what a hollow and hazy term! I changed it into “The freedom of the Panno is untouchable.“. In retrospective, it makes sense to me! What teenagers want to see protected the most is their freedom – freedom from parents, authority, limitations, and freedom to do what we like and to live out our ideas. Dignity is not much of an issue at that age.

In spring 1996, we recruited a 5th member, Benjamin alias Bruno Panno, but only as a “Half-Panno”, because his half-hearted commitment left certain doubts concerning his loyalty to Pannonia. By the end of the year, we attracted 4 further interested boys, all “Half-Pannos”, so that we can say that at the peak we had 9 citizen, counting all of them in. I must admit, I forgot who these others were (one was called Tim, I think).

A major obstacle for Pannonia was the lack of sanitary facilities and electricity. Yes, boys can pee everywhere, but for “big business” we still needed to run to my family’s house. Whenever we wanted to use electric tools or simply listen to the radio, I had to connect a 50 meter extension cord to the nearest plug in the garage (only possible when there were no horses in the paddock). Weather, though, was never a problem. We managed to make the huts rain-proof, they withstood storms and heavy snowfall, and with the oven it was even comfortably warm in winter. In summer, Pannonia was completely in the shade under the dense canopy of the bushes and trees and, therefore, not too hot.

We have been quite busy in Pannonia throughout the whole year, according to the notes I took. We constantly remodelled the area, built things, got more equipment, and made it a fancy place. The landlord turned his bee house into a kind of “holiday house” and gave us the discarded beehive boxes. We stacked them together as a locker shelf in the first hut. We finally managed to make the oven stable enough to survive our excessive night sessions with more and more beer and endless conversations about everything. We truly “grew up” in Pannonia! In October 1996 we held our second “National Assembly” (again, of course, combined with drinking and staying overnight in the huts) in which I was re-elected as the dictator.

Pannonia at the end of 1996:

Pannonia-scheme4

In early 1997 we turned the mine (in the scheme labelled “hole”) into a new landmark building, a three floor tower with basement, ground floor and attic. It was the tallest structure that we built, but at the same time the least used one. I guess its construction coincides with a shift of interests away from Pannonia as our favourite playground towards other activities like playing music (I had my band “no more lund”, for example) or doing sports (Christoph played football in the local team). I still spent much time in Pannonia, working or taking it as refuge from the evil outside world. However, our space was almost fully exploited, and also our construction skills have reached their limits. Childish ideas like our self-drawn “passports” lost their attraction, and also our plan to make Pannonia independent – an option that we seriously discussed and (at least I) dreamed of – gave way for more pragmatic and down-to-earth considerations: Pannonia was and will ever be a fancy playground and, Anno 1997, a place to have fun. But definitely NOT a place to bring girls or to demonstrate our “coolness”, which both became more important in our lives when we got 15, 16, and beyond. The huts were cool but, as we had to admit, also dirty, ugly and uncomfortable.

On the photo, taken in February 1997, you can find me looking out of our first hut (in analogy to a real country, if the huts were cities of Pannonia, this hut was always regarded as “the capital”), and the beginning of the scaffold construction of the central tower above the hole.

1997-02 - Pannonia

After two years of stagnation – no visual progress, no more national assemblies, no new members – and after frequent complaints about the ugly appearance of Pannonia’s “skyline” (at least in autumn and winter), we decided to tear it down in late 1999. In 1998, I still spent much time in the huts, but when my interest and motivation dropped, too, I agreed that it would be the most reasonable thing to do. We deconstructed (if not to say “destructed”) all the huts, recycled the posts and boards (my father and the landlord used them for other purposes) and threw all the rest, especially all the silage foil, into the hole that we dug and covered it with soil. That was the end of an era for me. One of the most exciting and important parts of my life was buried in the ground.

Retrospective Reflections

Why has Pannonia been so important for me? Why did I put so much heart and soul into this “project”? I am inclined to characterise myself – the 12-16 year old me – as extraordinarily introverted and as unhealthily misanthropic, almost sociophobic. The experiences at primary and secondary school of being teased and bullied left a deep imprint on my view of other people: Everybody is either a fool or an idiot. Obviously, people didn’t appreciate my qualities – I was good at school, could solve mathematical and empirical problems, had some practical skills – but focused on exploiting my weaknesses (being shy, not good at small talk, not looking “cool”, low self esteem). Pannonia – same as my Lego role-playing worlds before – was my way of escaping, my refuge. In this smaller community with my childhood friend and two classmates who were like me, I felt much better and safer than in the larger, unpredictable and inhomogeneous conglomerate of the school classroom or the boyscouts group. Above all, Pannonia gave me confidence: The proof that I am good at something, namely being the leader of something and, as such, making it flourish and grow. I was a worthy dictator, and not the fool that everyone else wanted me to believe to be. Of course, these are thoughts that I can only have in retrospection. At that age, I was not able to reflect consciously about these kind of issues.

The time between the age of 12 and 16 brings significant and crucial changes in personal development and interests. I believe, this is the age in which the future path of a person is paved the most. Besides playing drums and acquiring musical skills, Pannonia is my main source of positive life attitude without which I would have drifted off either into depression, serious misanthropy, or aggressive disorders. It served as an outlet for all my inner insecurities, instabilities and worries – and as an introvert I had many! The experiences of being respected by my peers, of sharing thoughts and secrets (in those endless nocturnal meetings around the fireside), of experiencing that I am just a normal boy with an inside world that is similar to others, was extraordinarily relieving for me! It also taught me how to expose myself in front of myself, something that is far from being trivial for a young teen!

Besides this psychological dimension, there is also a normative one, as I believe. The idea of making Pannonia an independent country was most likely inspired by the conviction that “we – with the values that we defend – would be a better society than the one that we currently find ourselves in“. We reflected directly and in open debate about values like freedom, justice, or fairness, when we discussed our constitution. From an uninformed, greenhornish, teenage perspective, though, but firmly convinced that our views are “right”! But also on a deeper, rather unconscious level, since Pannonia fell into an era of my life in which I progressed from a “mindless” child into an assertive and reasonable teenager, it served as an environment in which I formed and contested my value system and normative (if not to say “ethical”) integrity. I wouldn’t underestimate this impact that Pannonia and my dedication for it had on me!

As a conclusion, I wish that all children and teens would have a chance to build their own personal version of Pannonia, maybe not physically in a copse (since that is not available for everyone), but at least in their own room and with the proper amount of freedom and creativity! It might be the main reason for me wanting to move to the countryside with my family, giving my Kids the chance to experience something like this. Not only for practical skills and creativity, but also for personality development in the very critical time from childhood to adolescence. Being a “dictator” one time in your life – letting confidence and integrity rule you until the end of days!

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DIY project: Tsolmo’s New Bed

Now you are almost 19 months old and it was time for a new bed. In your baby bed, you ripped off the mosquito net and everything you can reach from there. Also, you often throw your animals out (intentionally or not) and cry when you can’t get them back. Therefore, I decided to build a new bed for you that satisfies all our needs, especially yours. In general, there are several reasons for choosing to build a DIY bed over buying a bed: When the room fashion requires a customised bed (in terms of size, shape, etc.), when the main idea is to design the bed with a certain theme (like “Knights’ Castle”, “Pirate ship”, or something like that), or simply when one loves to do DIY. In this case, it is mainly the latter reason. As your father, one way to express my love for you and my concern about your life quality is to manifest my creativity and crafts skills in a unique item that is just for you! What could be better than your own special bed with features that you like?! However, also the former two reasons play a role here: In the corner in which the bed would be placed it covers part of a window, which requires a special construction, and I thought of some features that are important, necessary, or at least “cool” for you. These were the criteria that played a role in my planning of the bed:

  • Stability – Above all, the bed must be stable, indestructible, not shaking, without any parts that can be broken off or easily disassembled. I expect that you will romp a lot in your bed, so it must be able to withstand your intended and unintended violence!
  • Safety – There must be no corners, sharp edges, protruding screws or nails, rough wood, or anything that threatens your freedom from pain. The chance of accidents and injuries in and around the bed should be as close to zero as possible!
  • Mosquito-proof – There are many mosquitoes and other bugs in Taiwan. You should be safe from them while sleeping!
  • Confinement – You are still not able to decide for yourself when it is time to sleep. You need a place from which you can’t escape, or you constantly would! This has nothing to do with imprisonment, but is a normal measure for toddlers that makes your life and that of your parents much easier!
  • Storage space – Our apartment is not very big, but we need more and more storage space for the growing demands of the family. I want to make the “dead space” under the bed accessible.
  • Appealing design – This is a Kid’s bed! It must be colourful and attractive! Moreover, since you showed to us that you like decorative and effective lighting a lot, I want to integrate fancy and child-suitable lamps.
  • Flexibility – While growing up you will change your interests and demands. Sooner or later we can detach the door, for example, or you will ask us to change the colour. Maybe we can even add a “second floor” playground. It will be good if we could change some elements easily then!

From this list it may be concluded that the new bed must be completely closed on all sides (because of the mosquito prevention). I chose to design a house- or hut-like bed. Since it will stand in a corner, only two “walls” have to be built (lattices with black mosquito net). Six main posts (4 in the corners, 2 in the middle of the long sides) will carry the “roof”. We already had a mattress (188x100cm) with a simple bed (bottom part and head storage) as well as fence parts of your playpen. This served as starting material and as orientation for the overall size of the bed. In order to make the bed more comfortable, I thought of covering the edges with cushions. For those, we ordered cold-cure foam (4cm thick) online and got a beautiful flower-design fabric from IKEA. Your Mom organised a sewing machine and helped sewing the cushion covers that were then attached with the foam pieces onto boards and then to the bed scaffold.

DIY-Bett3

Here is the base construction with the six posts and the side cushions (the door element still missing):

DIY-Bett4

In the photo, you can also see one of the challenges of the project: There is a window behind half of the bed. In order to block your access to it from inside the bed, and to be able to maintain the curtain of the window properly, I built a board shield that leaves 7cm space between window and bed whereas on the left side the bed finishes with the wall. Of course, this protruding part also had to be covered with a cushion. The three posts on the left side are fixed on the wall with screws. The front of the bed is the head part of the bed we had. On the right long side, I attached boards that leave space for two large drawers on the floor under the bed. The most important tools I used were a jigsaw for preparing the various wood parts, and a cordless electric drill for assembling. Sawing and painting the wood was difficult but not impossible in the narrow space of the entrance area of our apartment…

DIY-Bett5

I painted the base frame of the bed in red (except the playpen elements) and the scaffold of the roof in blue. My original idea to also paint the inside roof boards blue was dropped after finding that it looks better with the original bright colour of the boards. For the inside lighting, I attached a 5m LED strip on top of narrow boards around the roof edge so that it illuminates the roof’s inside while itself invisible for you. This indirect yellowish light creates a warm and gentle atmosphere. Moreover, I put glow-in-the-dark stickers (stars and moons) all over the bed’s ceiling. One of the storage drawers is now a small ball pool for you to play in.

DIY-Bett1

DIY-Bett2

So far you accepted the new bed very well! You obviously like the light and the glow-in-the-dark stars, you are happy to be surrounded by all your toy animals, you jump and romp around, and – most important of all – you sleep very well (from evening to morning without interruption)! Before you fall asleep and after you wake up, you don’t cry or complain but play with the toys and enjoy the big space that you have inside the bed. I hope you will have much joy and good rests for many years in this bed!

Of Peelers and Brains

Some people like to use those swivel-blade peelers, believing that they peel potatoes, apples, asparagus and other things more economically, either in cutting very thin or in saving time. In German, we usually call them “Sparschäler”, implying that their main quality is the “saving” (German: sparen) aspect.

sparschäler

My grandfather (but also many other people I know, including myself) would never use this device for cutting apples. With a common kitchen knife he can peel much thinner and still faster than most of those using a peeler. I conclude that the peeler is useful as a means to achieve the ends “saving time” or “producing only thin peel” only for those who are not skilled enough with an ordinary knife which could serve as a means for the same ends. If someone is not able to peel an apple properly with a kitchen knife it is better to use the peeler than achieving bad results with the knife or having no peeled apple at all.

That made me think of our tools (as means) to serve the ends “providing answers for questions of life” or “concluding what we ought to do“. We can think of several tools, above all “thinking”, or more generally “rationality”. The instrument we need for that is, bluntly spoken, our brain (here as a pars pro toto for our reason-ability).

brain

But what about those whose brains are not functioning properly? Those who didn’t learn how to be rational and reasonable, or those who – for whatever reason – consciously deny to employ ratio and reason for their decision-making? Can we (the peers, the society, mankind) risk that those people make “bad” decisions (factually wrong, disadvantageous, unethical, fatal, etc.) or make no decisions at all? I think, it is better to have an alternative tool that guides and facilitates the decision-making of the irrational or unreasonable (I would prefer to say “reason-unable”) people. Indeed, we have several culturally and societally firmly embedded instances that serve as this means, above all: religion. Better an untrue, ill-logical, childish, outdated source of orientation than no orientation at all or a dangerously misguided orientation. I know, some atheists claim that most religions are “dangerously misguiding” per se. However, apart from political and ideological exploitation of people’s religiosity and spirituality, religions are meant to provide worldviews, ethical guidance and psychological wellbeing – let’s idealistically assume for a moment that this is actually the case. Ratio and reason provide answers for all kinds of questions, and when applied properly, as I am firmly convinced, will do so with the highest possible degree of sustainability and “success” (whatever that means in this context). Religion provides answers by dogmatic preaching and indoctrination, often telling the followers in simple mantras and proverbs what to do in what kind of situation. For people who can’t or don’t like to apply rationality and reason, this is a convenient and comfortable way of finding peace and ease. However, there is the constant danger of scratches and cracks appearing on the surface of their reality. Once the realisation that there is something deeper occurred, the religious believer might be confused and lost. Therefore, this answer-providing tool is very limited and not sustainable. Yet, as claimed above, it is better than nothing. I am quite sure that this world would be a much more terrible place if there was no such thing as religion. There would be so many disoriented, distorted, psychopathic and depressed minds that the current danger of religious terrorism appears negligible next to it! However, it would be desirable, of course, that everyone had the chance to develop rationality and reason to a level that dogmatic worldviews like religious ones become obsolete. As long as this is just a dream – and I guess it will be just a dream for all times – it is better to make sure that our religions are kept healthy and efficient in guiding their followers on the right track.

 

Parenting Check: Supporting Your Self-Esteem

I came across a few illustrations by Leonid Khan on brightside.me which compare “common parents” with “wise parents”. The page originally presented the 10 graphics as the difference between Jewish parents and other parents, which is of course entire nonsense and earned them much criticism (upon which they changed it to the new wording). Whether parents are “common” or bad or wise is not a matter of nationality, culture, ethnicity or religious confession! Rather, we find all kinds of parents with all kinds of attitudes and flaws all around the globe. In today’s letter, however, I don’t want to compare parents. I tried to take the illustrations as an inspiration to check my own behaviour and attitude towards you in our daily life. Since currently I am a houseman and we spend a lot of time together, there are many situations and opportunities to reflect on my (re-)actions and habits. Some of the themes probably don’t apply to you, yet, because you are still too young. But reflection can never start too early! I’ll try to do it reasonably!

  1. Reaction to failure

parents1

You are still at the stage of trying many things. Naturally, there is a lot of failure! You want to draw, but hold the pen the wrong way and don’t produce any line. You want to eat by yourself, but whenever you scoop your food, it falls down before reaching your mouth. You want to stack blocks or do a puzzle, but the parts just don’t want to fit! In case of the food, I still help you and usually end up just feeding you. The rationale behind that is a pragmatic one: If eating takes too long you get impatient and whiny, and I don’t want to clean the huge mess that you produce. Maybe that’s wrong. I should just let you do until it works. In case of drawing and puzzling, I try to aid you more passively and let you figure out by yourself how you can make it work. However, this also has limits. You get increasingly frustrated when the piece doesn’t fit. Guiding your hand, hopefully, delivers the message “See! There is always a way! Just keep trying, for example like this…”. I observe that you are a fast learner, trying to copy what I do (for example, turning and twisting the puzzle piece until it fits). So, a little assistance can support your exploratory learning process. I have to be careful, though, not to be too impatient when you don’t succeed in your efforts immediately, but let you experience the feeling of failure and the sense of achievement after keeping trying. You are not too young for anything! Just not experienced enough. Providing situations to gain this experience is my task as your father!

  1. Supervising your activities

parents2

The point, here, is that you feel more trusted when we let you do things without constant supervision. As in all the eight examples in this article, the pragmatic considerations we as parents have to make are risk and safety estimations. There is never no risk! You can always trip, fall down, hit your head, bump into something, etc. We keep the really dangerous things (electricity, fire, blades, falling heavy objects, etc.) away from you. In this environment, we can let you move freely and safely everywhere in our apartment without having to worry about anything that exceeds the “base risks”. When you find trash (and with your perfect eyesight you find the tiniest pieces of dust in the corners!) and show it to me, I tell you to throw it into the trash bin, and you go there and throw it in. I trust you on that and don’t watch you doing it. You come back with a proud face and clap your hands, me joining in. On the playground, you climb the play structures and slide down all by yourself. I usually stand in some distance and let you enjoy it without giving you the feeling that something could go wrong and that you would need assistance. Just do it! You seem cautious, but not fearful or afraid, and you are always happy when you find out that you can do something by yourself!

  1. Letting you get dirty

parents3

I failed on this one this week. When we played in the garden of our community, I scolded you for picking the soil from the flowerbeds and for being more interested in all the dirt than in the play structure and the toys. You still put many things into your mouth, so I worry you eat the dirt you pick up. I am still too concerned about your health (not so much about the cleanness of your clothes and hands). I should let you play more in the mud, especially when we are close to home where we can clean you again! I spent most of my childhood in the mud (in the countryside), so I should know how happy it can make a Kid! Relax, Daddy!

  1. Your intended achievement vs. The actual outcome

parents4

The point, here, is different from the previous illustration: It is not so much about fun over cleanness, but more about intention over outcome. At this young age, you have (maybe not yet, but soon) an undisturbed, untamed creativity and the urge to explore and transform the world you find. Making a cake, as in the graphic, is just one example. Painting something, building something, helping with housework, anything that you observe your parents do – could be other examples. Your intentions are always good: You want to make a gift for your beloved parents, or you just want to do something well. Naturally, at the age of 18 months, there is not much you do, yet, so there are not many situations in which the approaches illustrated here would apply. As mentioned earlier, you like to throw trash into the trash bin. Sometimes, however, you classify things as “trash” that actually are not. Once I told you emphatically that you must not put that into the trash, but of course that has no effect! You will just not understand why throwing away one thing gives you a praise, throwing away another earns you a scold. You firmly believe you did a good job. So I reminded myself of always thanking you whenever you did something out of your own motivation that you learned in earlier situations, no matter how “wrong” it is in this context, no matter how poor the result is, and no matter how much work it causes me to reverse the result of your effort.

  1. Your energy level

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You sleep very well and, as an effect, are very active and attentive when awake. You run around a lot, climb everything that can be climbed (recently also the dining table) and often jump around like crazy. Sometimes I find myself trying to calm you down or stop you from jumping too wild on the couch. I shouldn’t! However, again, I think there is the reasonable pragmatic limit of safety! And a second consideration is the experience with the phenomenon of you being “over-tired” (I wonder if there is a proper term for that): Sometimes you are so tired that you get carefree and coltish, like in a state of euphoria, extremely rebellious and – with a 100% certainty – ending up crying, either after hurting yourself, or when we have to stop you and put you into bed. In such a state, it would be very unwise to wait for you running out of energy! Most of the time, however, it is a big joy for us to watch your energy and untamed vitality! Why would we stop you?

  1. Do it by yourself

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As far as I understand, the idea of this picture is not “You can do it by yourself!”, but rather “You have to do it by yourself!”. It wants to deliver the idea that Kids must not always rely on their parents fixing everything for them, but learning that sometimes (and according to their abilities, of course) they need to get active by themselves. For a Kid of your age, there are not many situations, yet, in which this approach applies. All I can think of now is eating your food (insisting on you eating by yourself when you ask for being fed), playing with your toys (including opening boxes and bags, stacking blocks, solving puzzles, etc.), and climbing stairs or play structures (which you usually ask no assistance for). In the future, there will be more situations in which I hopefully remember to find the right balance between helping you (to not disappoint and frustrate you) and insisting on you doing it by yourself (even at the risk of failure, see point 1). So far, you want to be independent rather a bit too much than not enough. You are far from being a “lazy” Kid!

  1. Support your sharing ability

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In contrast to the other seven illustrations that all show a particular attitude of parenting that aim at certain effects, this one here depicts a result (or an effect). It is, of course, desirable to support the formation of a habit of sharing, rather than having to be forced to share. The question is what parenting approaches and attitudes can support that. Apparently, you have a good sense of sharing. When I cut a Mango for you and give a small fork to you, you take turns putting a piece into your mouth and feeding one to me. You also do that with your main meals. You are very happy offering your food to us, which might be an expression of copying our behaviour (feeding you) in a playful way, rather than a truly virtuous act of sharing. However, our reaction (appreciation and expression of happiness and fun) will hopefully motivate you to form a habit of sharing. When someday you have a sibling we’ll come back to that…

  1. Reward your efforts

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This is a very important point! I appreciate the illustrator’s choice to present the “bad” Mom with her attention focused on her smartphone, a serious symptom of our modern society. I try to leave my phone at my work desk, so that it doesn’t distract me whenever I deal with you, especially while feeding and playing with you. This gives me the capacity to really “spend time with you” (instead of just being around). I hope you can sense my appreciation of and admiration for everything you do! Same as for point 4, you don’t produce much that can be rewarded or praised. I posted some of your “drawings” on this blog, and the Mother’s Day gift that we prepared together is exposed on the fridge door so that all visitors can see it. I am sure that in the future you will give me many opportunities to show my pride and admiration for anything you do! I expect that this won’t be difficult for me!

Conclusion

All (human) life and its decision-making is risk estimation. As parents, we have to reflect day in day out on questions like “Is it OK for you or not? Is it safe or not? Is the risk level acceptable or not?”. In this framework, your self-esteem and your own ability to assess the acceptability of risk levels to which you expose yourself have to develop. Finding the right balance within this tension of “letting you do” and “keeping you safe” is not always easy. I tend to be too cautious in some situations (stopping your wildness, keeping you clean when playing outside), and I am convinced to do it right in others (not creating an atmosphere of caution when you climb the play structure, but letting you explore it by yourself). The most critical phase for most of these attitudes is yet to come, at a time when your abilities are more manifold and your urges to do something creative and effective will have grown. I hope I can establish a mindful awareness for the effects of my own habits and behaviours that trigger the formation of certain traits in you – one of them being a healthy self-esteem. Then we will see if Mrs. Khan’s illustrations prove helpful as an inspiration for self-reflection!

DIY – Removable shelf board

We have a diaper changing station that is foldable:

Wickelstation

Recently, we found that the table is too full and too messy and that it would be handy to have a small board nearby for all the stuff we need around the table, like creams and wet cloths and diapers. However, when installing a fixed board, the table can’t be folded anymore, unless we attach the board high above the table, but then it is not handy… The solution could be a shelf that can easily be detached from its holder and put back. Once, I had a board like that: A cute little mole on the wall “holding” a board. Inspired by that, I decided to make a “mouse board” that also looks decorative in a child’s room. The mouse design was easier to realise with the technical facilities that I have.

Every DIY project should start with drawings. This helps getting clearer about the steps and the material needed for construction. It will reveal the weak points of the idea and ways to improve the plan. It results in a list of parts that have to be produced, items that have to be bought, and devices that have to be employed. For the mouse board, I need:

  • 1 central body as the actual board holder which is attached to the wall in the end
  • 1 head and 1 leg part as “mouse” decoration
  • 4 additional parts (“arms”) to support the board
  • 1 tail
  • 1 shelf board, 60x25cm
  • 6 screws 2.5cm, 2 screws >4cm, 2 dowels
  • jigsaw, impact drill, cordless electric drill
  • paint and brushes
  • a few bristles from a broom
  • felt stickers (those that are usually put under the legs of chairs and tables)

The only thing I had to buy was the 60x25cm shelf board. The other parts I could saw from remains that I kept from earlier DIY projects (Never throw anything away! You never know when you are happy that you still have it!). I cut paper models of the mouse parts, drew the shapes onto the wood and cut it with the jigsaw. I also made the corners of the shelf board round (for safety reasons).

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Next, I assembled the mouse: The head with a screw from the back to the top part of the body; the legs with a screw from the back to the bottom with the tail in between; the smaller half circles as top support and the bigger half circles as bottom support (with screws from the side) so that they form a gap that is about 3mm wider than the thickness of the shelf board. I also drilled small holes through the two narrowest parts of the body (the “throat” and the “back” in the gap). The holder will be attached to the wall with screws through these holes. I marked the respective spots on the wall, drilled holes into it and plugged the dowels in.

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Before attaching the mouse on the wall, I painted it. I didn’t do that very professionally or with special wood paint or lacquer. I used cheap “poster paint” that I still had from an earlier art project. I think, that is not the best choice, but the mouse looks like a mouse at least.

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After the paint was dry, I attached the felt stickers in the gap on the supporters and the broom bristles in small holes (made with a corkboard pin) on the nose. Then, it was ready to be attached on the wall. The diaper changing table is still foldable when the shelf board is not in the holder. With the felt stickers, it is firmly attached in the holder and doesn’t move easily so that things can be stored on it safely. I am happy with the result!

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Recipe: Goji-Sesame-Corn-Bread

I like Asian food! Really! Much more than German food, actually! However, there is one thing that we Germans are really spoiled with and that Asians are simply not able to produce: Good bread! Besides beer and sausages, probably the most outstanding item on the list of typical German food! Living in Taiwan, I kind of miss the large variety of tasty bread. Here, I can only get some soft, tasteless, almost cake-like, sponge crap, like American sandwich toast. Some local bakeries try to make “German bread”, but I have never found anything close to what I would call “good bread”. On the contrary, when I made a “good bread” for some friends, they couldn’t appreciate it, because it was “too hard” for them, “like eating steak”. I guess, it is a cultural thing.

Good that I like baking! I just make my own bread! And since we are in Taiwan, I try to combine the “German idea” of bread with the availability of typically local ingredients. Here is my recipe for a rustic rich-flavoured Goji-bread. It features tasty and very healthy Goji berries (枸杞), black sesame and polenta (coarse corn flour), adding up to the “German colours” (the colours of the German national flag).

Ingredients:

  • 500g flour (I usually use 300g wheat flour and 200g whole grain flour with rye and barley)
  • 1 big spoon white sugar
  • 1 tablespoon salt
  • 30g butter
  • 12-15g dry yeast (or according to the instructions on the yeast package, which sometimes comes in portions for 500g or 1kg flour)
  • 300ml warm liquid (I usually use 80-100ml milk with hot water; the more milk the less fluffy the end product)
  • 100g polenta (corn flour)
  • ~80g coarsely ground dried Goji berries (or “a good hand full”)
  • 1 big spoon of black sesame
  • 100ml hot water
  • extra wheat flower (up to 200g)

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Procedure:

Subject flours, sugar, salt, yeast and butter (in small pieces) into a large bowl. Pour the at least hand-warm water/milk mix into the bowl and immediately start kneading with your strong hand. Keep one hand clean, first, to hold the bowl or if needed for something (Trust me: There is nothing more annoying than needing a clean hand right after you just stuck both into the dough!). In the beginning, it feels a bit messy, but after some mixing and kneading the dough becomes more sticky and dry. When your kneading hand is more or less dry, start kneading enthusiastically with both hands. You may take the dough lump out of the bowl and do that on a big wooden board or the table. Knead for 10 minutes! This is very important! The dough might look homogenous after 2 minutes, but you have to continue treating it hard for much longer! This has to do with the chemical structure of flour and the mechanical forces that make the long carbohydrate chains intermingle. The longer you knead the better the bread will be in the end! When the dough is done, keep it covered at a warm place for 20 to 30 minutes for the yeast to rise. Strictly avoid breezes! My father (an experienced baker who taught me many tricks) used to put the bowl with the dough into a tempered water bath. In case your home has a heating, place it there. Taiwan is hot enough, I just put it on the balcony (securely covered to protect from dirt and dust!).

Meanwhile, prepare the “special ingredients mix” (you could just skip this, then the dough will become a very “ordinary” bread): In a suitable bowl or cup, mix the black sesame, polenta and coarsely ground Goji berries (I put a big handful of berries into a plastic bag and smash them with a hammer, but you might find more elegant methods) with hot water (I don’t measure it, but it must be roughly 100ml). Let it stand.

When the first dough is grown to at least double its original size (after about 20-30 minutes), add the Goji-sesame-corn-mix into the bowl. The addition of this watery mass would make the dough too wet, so you will have to add additional flour. Proceed as in the first part: Knead the mix with only one hand first, use the clean hand to add more flour until the dough feels dry enough (when nothing keeps sticking on your hand). Knead again thoroughly for 10 minutes. Keep warm for another 20-30 minutes.

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After one more round of brief kneading, place the lump in the baking mould. If required (for example, if your baking pan is not of good quality), coat the inside of the mould with butter so that the finished bread comes out easily. Heat the oven to 180-200°C. Meanwhile, the dough will grow further in the mould. Before putting it into the oven, make a cut along its top so that it can “unfold”. Sparkle a few drops of water across the surface for proper humidity in the oven while baking and to make the top perfectly crunchy (don’t ask me how and why it works with water!). Bake the bread in the oven for 35-40 minutes. After taking it out, let it stand for at least 15 minutes. When you cut it too early, it will most likely fall apart.

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This bread is suitable for sweet toppings (jam, honey, chocolate spread, peanut butter, etc.) and for savoury ones (cheese, ham, eggs, etc.). My favourite are slices with spreadable cheese, ham, egg, cucumber and tomato…