Not a Babysitter!

I met our neighbour, an old Taiwanese guy, in the afternoon.

He: “Hello! Aren’t you going to work?

Me: “No, these days I am not working. I am taking care of my daughters!

He: “Ah! Babysitter!

Me: “No! I am their father!

He: “Yes! Babysitter!

At that moment I felt slightly upset without clearly knowing why. Yet, it was easy for me to forgive him right away, because he is an old Taiwanese guy who doesn’t know it better. Most men, here, are not involved in raising little children, it is completely on the Moms, often with the help of the Mom’s mother or mother-in-law. When fathers or grandfathers are contributing anything, it is mostly really just some supervision, playing, or taking the kid to the playground (babysitter job, indeed). Bathing babies, preparing food, changing diapers, putting them to bed – no way!

When Tsolmo was born, my wife stayed at her parents’ place for the first 40 days. Her Mom made food (special regenerative maternity meals) and bathed Tsolmo. This time, with Ana, my wife stays at our home and I do everything (plus entertaining and containing Tsolmo). When my mother-in-law heard that, she didn’t agree to it. She gave us money for hiring a household helper. Fortunately, I could convince my wife that we don’t need that! This really would have made me upset! I am not such a fool that we need a stranger to take care of MY daughters, do our laundry and keep the house clean! As a compromise, we ordered maternity food from a delivery service, because I am not very familiar with what kind of dishes a Mom needs after giving birth.

So far, 18 days after Ana’s birth, I still enjoy my role as father of two. My wife regenerates very quickly, has good mood and a reasonable mind. Ana is mostly sleeping and eating (breast-fed), doesn’t cry much, and obviously doesn’t have any trouble with anything. It is my job to give her a daily bath, which we both enjoy! Tsolmo needs most attention. She welcomed the new family member quite well and treats her with care and respect. Yet, I sensed a sign of jealousy recently: She wants to be carried much more than before June 12th, both at home and on the street or in the park. She didn’t realise her new role as the older sister, yet, but still wants to be the little one that is taken care of. But all in all, she is still an angel that is very easy to take care of!

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In this regard, I am happy we did not ask a household helper to come to our home! We don’t need help! The luxury that I, the father and husband, can be home and do everything has many advantages:

  • My wife feels comfortable and relaxed, because at home and with family (and nobody else) around, the environment to recover is the best!
  • Tsolmo grows up in a critical phase (the “terrible two” year) with her father around, being familiarised with the man of the house involved in housework and daily routines, therefore not developing a gender bias.
  • Tsolmo and Ana hear not only Mom’s Chinese, but also Daddy’s German! Tsolmo’s German was lagging behind the development of her Chinese, but recently it caught up rapidly!
  • I am very happy that I can bring in myself usefully, reduce the burden of my wife, feel like a real father, and spend quality time with my daughters! Yes, also bathing and changing diapers is quality time, because it is the best chance to form strong bonds with my kids!
  • We as a family create home, which is a constant process of momentary construction of atmosphere. If I was at work and instead an uninvolved household helper in our apartment, it would just not be the same!

I am not a babysitter! I am a father! One fourth of this family, with an important position to occupy and a role to play! For no money in the world would I want to miss this opportunity! I don’t say that from a selfish and egoistic perspective, but with the firm conviction that daughters want and need time with their father, and that wives are helped the most when their husbands are around as active and engaged parts of a family.

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Let’s Grow Brain!

Dear Anasuya,

Here is another hint that your father is quite nerdy:

Today, we could finally take you home from the hospital after a phototherapy treatment of your Icterus Neonatorum (neonatal jaundice). That means, it was the first time that I could really hold you for long time, watch you, talk to you, feel you. In contrast to your sister at that age (one week), you often open your eyes and seem to look around, and you pay a lot of attention to noises, obviously. Immediately, the image of the rapidly growing and developing neuronal network in your brain appeared in my imagination. Every sensual impression will form a few new connections that manifest your experience in the form of cognitive capability.

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In the late afternoon, Tsolmo watched the Miyazaki animation My Neighbour Totoro. In this movie – very typical for Miyazaki’s illustration of his environmentalism – is a scene of a quickly growing tree from a few seeds into a giant majestic plant. I could not help but feeling strong sympathy for this symbol of the natural evolving force.

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You are alive! Everything in you strives for growth, strength, improvement, becoming. Cells multiply, bones harden, fluids flow, but nowhere is this image of emergence as powerful as in your brain! Using it appropriately makes it more potent. We will try to expose you to views, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings that are as pleasant as possible so that you build trust in your environment and learn to like and love it. This will be the most efficient brain enhancer that is available!

Family complete!

What’s that? The name of the blog changed? Tsolmo and Ana? Who is Ana??

Surprise! Tsolmo got a baby sister! On June 12th at 9:35AM (Taiwanese time), Anasuya was born! A healthy girl, very tiny, but with greatness ahead! With her arrival, our family is complete!

chulai

More about Ana will follow soon. Currently, we are still in the hospital, my wife recovering from the C-section, Ana recovering from the shock of being ripped out of her comfort zone, Tsolmo trying to entertain herself and the entire hospital floor, and me trying to keep everything together.

Of course, everything I wrote so far as “letters to Tsolmo” may also be understood as messages to Ana! From now on, I use this platform to address both of them, unless I explicitly state it at the beginning of a post. For all other readers: I hope you will still find this blog or some of its posts entertaining and/or inspiring!

DIY: Pimp My Shelf

There is still room for improvement in our apartment. Since before I moved in, there was this living room shelf with two glass door cabinets and space for a TV. Meanwhile, we threw away the TV and I had built a shelf for books and board games within that space. Yet, I wasn’t happy with the optical design of the top part. That beautiful dragon panel looked lost, the middle board always looked messy, and it felt like something is missing (I like shelfs and cabinets that almost reach the ceiling).

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See the background, not just the pretty girl!

Moreover, there are further considerations that play a role for my idea of changing the shelf into something more useful and pretty:

  • Soon, we will be a family of four, and what is now our “study room” will then be the baby room. I need to find another place where I can work (on my computer) while that room is occupied. We need to make use of the little space we have as efficiently as possible!
  • The design should also be interesting, funny and appealing for Kids.
  • You (Tsolmo) like fancy lighting a lot. There should be some lamps somewhere in the shelf.
  • The right cabinet hosts my wife’s Buddhist shrine for her daily chanting and bowing rituals. This won’t be changed.
  • The window of the door in the middle bottom also broke and had to be replaced. Since children like to draw everywhere in the apartment (except on paper while sitting at a table), I decided to turn it into a drawing board.

That last point was the easiest: I cut a thin wood board and attached it in the door frame. Paper sheets (A3 format) can be taped onto it. Your scribbles fill a sheet within a week, then it is replaced by a new blank sheet.

Since the two cabinets look, somehow, like towers, I thought that “roofs” might look good. The left cabinet got a simple gabled roof. For the right one, with the shrine underneath, I imagined a temple-like roof that can display the dragon board. I designed a ridge with two dragon heads and what I thought of as “asian style decoration”. The roof in the typical Asian temple roof shape rests on four wooden corner pillars. The back and one side is covered with red paper. Inside the roof, almost invisible from the outside, is a socket for a light bulb. With a red light bulb, the lighting looks very “temple-ish”, I think.

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The middle part is covered with a flatter but wider gabled roof. This one, too, has a light bulb socket in it. With a yellow light bulb, the decorative items on this shelf board are nicely illuminated. A small compartment on the right side with a door can be used for storing some “ugly” things that I don’t want to “stand around” openly. The coloured LED strip that I attached along the concrete beam behind a shielding board on the ceiling provides additional pretty light effects.

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For the space in the center of the shelf, I had the idea to construct a desk. I modified the earlier version of a book shelf so that I can place a PC screen and a small hifi system in it. At the right height, I attached a table leaf with hinges so that it can be folded upwards. The two legs of the table are also attached with hinges so that they can be folded inwards with the whole table then being completely flat (see the photos if my description is confusing). Now I can set up my laptop (connect to the additional screen, the hifi device and the network router (faster than wifi)) within a minute, and remove it easily whenever the kids need the space for playing. The material for this desk (table leaf, legs) and new parts of the shelf (boards, wood bars) are from a bed that a neighbour wanted to throw away (expenses: 0NT$). The whole thing cost me 400NT$ (~11€) for hinges, screws and paint.

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